Why don’t women ask men out? Why don’t women approach first?

This depends on the culture or place of course. In some places like bars or clubs girls get drunk so they have more courage to do it. Because it’s acceptable to act like that in those places.

Some women approach men and ask out but it happens less frequently of course in daily life and most of the time women do that if they know the guy personally for a long period of time.

Generally women want men to approach and do the hard work. Sometimes men wonder why is this like that? But here is why:

Firstly it’s because of fear. Men can be afraid or can have approach anxiety as well but women feel that so much worse than men. Way worse…

Biologically women are more agreeable, emotional and sensitive and they tend to be more insecure than men are and rejection breaks their ego, they feel ugly, undesired and unwanted if that happens. They feel like they are going to die.

Because women weigh their self worth on how they look or how attractive they are to men. Women always want to look and feel pretty and rejection from someone they want and like is devastating for them.

Man can get rejection and move on but women can’t do that easily. It’s against their nature. They want to be wanted so they can get commitment, love, protection and resources from men.

I explained this a lot of times but this is the reason why women feel and act certain way. Think about it, in cavemen times women were 100% dependent on men for getting resources, protection and quality genes in order to live and reproduce. So they had to be desirable all the time in order to achieve that.

They have to be desirable to feel safe and live a normal life.

If a woman get rejected by someone who she finds attractive or if they don’t receive attention enough that literally means death for her. That means they are not attractive enough to be desired, loved and therefore they won’t survive.

Still to this day women feel that very very strongly. So they avoid rejection at all cost and they crave to get attention and want to be desired and loved like they crave air to breathe.

And that leads us to the next reason. As i said women crave to feel desired and wanted so much that they want men to approach, initiate and give them attention so they can feel desired and loved. That’s how they feel safe and secure. They want someone who really really wants them. Therefore they let men to do it. They let men to do all the chase so they can feel those feelings. They try to make sure they are with someone who really wants them.

Because if women chase or do all the approach they wouldn’t feel desired and wanted, they couldn’t tell which men really want them. Because if a man really desires a woman and loves her then he is more likely to commit and protect. And women know this so they look for someone who will want them more than anything.

Also another reason women don’t ask men out or approach maybe because women aren’t visual as much as men.

Men see a pretty woman and feel instant sexual attraction, urge or motivation to approach but women aren’t like that.

Women see a good looking man and specially if they don’t know him very well then they may not feel instant urge or attraction towards him so therefore they don’t feel a need to approach or ask him out. Men have to approach and interact with the woman little bit in order to build the attraction. This is how we are wired biologically. Women are wired to play passive. They want to look pretty and seek male attention and desire. On the other hand men are wired to approach and do the chase.

Also another reason women don’t ask men out or initiate in many times it’s because they don’t want to be seen desperate or needy. They don’t want to look like someone who has low status. Some girls believe that because they care about how society will see them and they believe women shouldn’t approach or act aggressively like men even they desire a man very much. Women care about their self image and how people see them on great amounts and therefore they don’t want to approach men and act aggressive. So they want to play passive and cool.

And last, women overthink all the time.

They think everything and every possibility.

They may think “oh he is handsome, cute probably he has a girlfriend and if i approach he probably will reject me and i will feel bad.”


“If we start relationship he may cheat on me or play with my feelings.”


“Obviously he doesn’t interested in me if he truly wanted me of course he would come and talk.”


“I don’t know what to say what if i look awkward and silly and he thinks i’m stupid.”


“What if he thinks i’m desperate or needy”.

I can go on and on and on…

Women think too much and they are afraid and most of them are very shy. Therefore they need a man that will do all the work and take the lead. They are not wired to do the chase.

Women want men to be manly. They want men to be courageous and confident enough to approach them, they don’t want to do the opposite. Because they can’t. Men have much much more testosterone than women so they are the aggressive, dominant ones.

When men take the lead and confidently approach or ask women out, women find that very masculine and therefore very attractive.

Therefore mostly women will give you hints if they like you. Like looking at you constantly, smiling, asking you something about some topic, getting close to you like standing next to you or try to get your attention by doing something etc.

These are invitations for you. That’s how they try to get your attention. It means they want you to approach them and talk to them. As i said women’s all game is getting male attention. Women compete with each other for that. They’re not the ones approach and ask you out mostly. They are not the aggressive, initiative ones.

If you don’t approach or ask out they probably will think that you don’t interested in them that much or you don’t find them attractive enough and then they will move on. Because women really want to be desired and wanted. Their whole existence rely on that.

So if you are interested in a girl then go and talk to her. Show your interest. Show her that you want her.

Everything is much easier after then.

You see jerks or bad boys get the girls all the time because they take action and they are confident. They make women feel desired.

So whatever you want in life always take action…

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