It’s because of evolution.
Women find bad boys sexually very attractive because in millions of years human evolution bad boys; typically physically strong, more aggressive, assertive and dominant males had the big advantage to survive.
They had more access to resources, they were more capable of surviving from conflicts.
These strong males were on the top of the human dominance hierarchy. They had higher social status. (This is the main reason also why women find high status men very attractive even today.)
Females who mated with agreeable, nice type of males and their children couldn’t survive. Therefore in this process females are hardwired to bad boy type of dominant, assertive males to make baby.
When women hit their golden age, when they have urge to reproduce they find bad boys really attractive, it’s in their DNA.
They want strong, healthy genes for their children because otherwise those children can’t survive. Who would want weak men and their genes specially in a wild, very dangerous environment.
If you imagine a wild, very dangerous world where resources are limited you need strength both physically, mentally and socially to survive. And in that kind of environment women’s survival will be dependent on men so they will always be attracted to strength. They need protection and resources to live and strong, healthy genes to reproduce.
(That’s why women crave to be desired and try to get male attention obsessively because without men they couldn’t survive.)
Physical features like tall height, broad shoulders, muscular body, symmetrical face, strong jawline; masculine personality traits like aggressivenes, assertiveness, dominance, confidence, courage, deep voice and indications of high status like social skills and fame or authority are very attractive to women especially when it comes to sexual attraction.
Women seek males that have higher testosterone level.
Becasue those males had more value in a tough, dangerous world.
Women can’t admit but they feel strong sexual attraction to dark type of men. (Look how many women love vampire, bad boy theme TV shows) They love confident, dominant, aggressive men.
But you have to understand not because they love bad people especially, it’s because these bad boys have a lot of masculine traits that women seek in a real man. These traits alone are very attractive to women. They are after the genes that include those traits.
Because put those dark type of men into wild environment and see how they will survive no matter what happens. Therefore women will want those genes.
No matter what women say they can’t control their deepest urges. Women love to be dominated. Because they are wired that way. Women desire a man more dominant, more confident and stronger than them. They think subconsciously these men are way more valuable than them on the hierarchy. Therefore they respect and admire these men.
Women don’t even notice nice guys who can’t even talk to women, act passive, timid and insecure.
That’s not attractive for them at all. Unfortunately women don’t see nice guys as a real man to mate with. They don’t see them genetically valuable enough. (Number one reason for this because high testosterone makes a male more dominant, aggressive, confident and competitive and that indicates strong, quality genes that are able to survive in nature. On the other hand low testosterone may cause insecurity, lack of confidence, depression, high agreeableness or softness like most nice guys have.)
Women don’t desire “nice guys” sexually. They don’t have much respect to these men. Nice guys don’t have much value for women unless they have any resource that women need at that moment. Women use nice guys for their certain needs all the time.
In matter fact these type of nice guys are deadly from evolutionary standpoint. Because if women get pregnant by a weak man they have to invest in years and lots of resources for a child that has no survival advantage nor attractivenes. That’s deadly for women. That’s a huge waste of limited resources that they’ve got. That could wiped out the entire human species.
Therefore what women do most of the time that they try to punish, scare and shame these weak men for approaching women sexually. They try to ban them by doing all kinds of things. They are policing the gene pool. They try to make sure weak, unattractive men will never approach any woman sexually.
Therefore most nice guys might think maybe women aren’t sexual that much, maybe they don’t get horny etc. but in reality women are very sexual beings just like men.
But women want weak, loser men to stay away from them. It’s a defense mechanism. Women can’t act openly and recklessly about their sexuality like men. They evolved to be more subtle, selective and manipulative about it. Because they don’t want to become vulnerable to some weak, low status, genetically worthless guy. (Women actually want weak, unattractive men to be harmless and sexless.) That’s why women have this double standard for different kinds of men.
Nice guys will always lose in women’s eyes. Nice guys always turn women off. Nice guys are always below the women on the hierarchy.
Because those nice people are the first people that will die in a wild environment. They have no survival advantage. They afraid to take risk. They avoid conflict. They can’t handle danger or challenges. They are too shy, insecure and timid instead of being little bit more assertive and confident. They are too easy to dominate and they tend to lack socially. Don’t forget we still operate with primitive brain. Our brain still thinks that we live in a wild jungle.
Of course being a “nice guy” doesn’t mean being a good person. People confuse that. Nice guys are too agreeable, soft and weak men that put women on pedestal. They do anything that women say. They always try to make women happy and pleased. They are too needy and desperate because they don’t get much women. They give women unnecessary amount of attention most of the time.
But most importantly; nice guys don’t show any sign of masculinity. They just don’t act like a man.
Therefore typical nice guy behaviors send women’s subconscious negative messages. It says that you are below them. You are even weaker than them and that means you don’t have any value genetically. And women don’t desire that kind of man at all.
You have to understand women don’t want another woman. They want a real man that they can rely on, a man that can embrace challenges for them and take responsibility. They want to be dominated, they want to be led. They want a man that they can feel like a real woman near him. That way women can give all control and leadership to their strong man.
That way they feel completly feminine and safe.
Women think nice guys can’t even handle them then how will they handle the challenges and hardships of the world. How will they protect them from other men?
Nice guys just don’t give that feeling. They are weak. And women have strong immune to any weakness.
(If you think about it even today’s modern age still you have to be little bit aggressive and tough and have good social skills to be successful and to stand up for yourself. You have to be outgoing and be able to take risks and say no easily when you have to. Nothing has changed. World is the same world.)
Women go for nice type of guys when they want to settle and seek long term commitment especially if they can’t get an attractive guy that will commit to them. They use nice guys as their last hope like an emergency brake. But until that time they might make them wait in the friend zone.
(Women crave commitment, love or emotional connection because if they get pregnant but don’t get any commitment then they would be in a great danger especially in a wild world. Both child and woman would die due to not getting enough resources and caring from a guy. Therefore getting commitment and resources from a man is hugely important for women.)
Women need someone who will take care of them and love them and their children for a long time and stay around. They need a reliable man. Therefore they use nice guys for needs like caring, love and security. They use nice guys for their emotional needs and resources. So because nice guys can’t get much women they are easier to lock in and because they are more caring, kind, long term relationship type of men they are perfect candidate for this.
Because bad boy type of guys aren’t that much loyal. They are more wild, independent, self-centered type of men who have high libido. They care more about themselves, they have more than one choice of females. Therefore they are less reliable.
So it was hard for them to spend all their time to help a woman raise a child and take care of them and also not impregnating other beautiful women in the tribe. They had opportunity to hook up with additional females on the side.
Therefore this is how humans programmed.
A lot of women couldn’t get those two needs from the same man. Good looking, masculine attractive guys aren’t that many, so few lucky probably prettiest women were able to impress and get both commitment and quality genes from these men. Rest of those women, out of necessity ended up with average nice guys to seek commitment but they have developed dual mating strategy which while they get commitment from nice guys, they had affairs with attractive bad boys. (This is detailed scientific paper about this topic.)
(Women can feel emotional connection and even love one guy while they feel strong sexual desire and lust to another guy. One study shows that women in their normal days they tend to seek more loyal, loving and caring type of men for partnership but when they are horny especially while they are ovulating they tend to seek good looking, masculine bad boy type of men.)
But actually most women prefer and desire a long term relationship with an attractive man rather than having dual relationship. Often times women want to get the quality genes, commitment and love from the same man. That’s their ultimate dream. They want to fulfill their emotional and physical needs with the same man. Therefore most of the time they look for someone who has both good looks and masculine behaviors also has little bit loyal and loving type of personality.
Also women want to change their man, they want to turn bad boys into nice guys over time.
Why? Because they try to make them loyal, long term partners but if they can manage to do this completely then they lose the sexual attraction.
There you have it my friends.
This is the nature of women.
But you have to understand for women it’s impossible to desire a man that is weaker and less valuable than them. Women programmed millions of years to submit and answer strong, healthy looking (tall, handsome and fit), dominant and high status males. (That’s why women are obsessed with taller men because they look more dominant and therefore they tend to be more confident and successful. They make women feel safe and feminine.)
When it comes to desire and lust, women will always be more responsive, eager and feel strong biological attraction to an assertive, dominant man than an agreeable and shy man.
Being good looking matters a lot of course because most women will assume instantly that you are a masculine, confident, successful guy (halo effect). But if you don’t have enough amount of masculine personality traits, for some reason if you are really insecure, timid, too shy or needy or lack of any social skills or effeminate you probably will lose that initial attraction after you open your mouth.
Yes women are visual beings like men but not exactly the way men are. They also care about manners and attitude. They care about having masculine personality and having social status beside having a good looks. Why?
Because those personality traits have a great value for them. You can look decent on the outside but if you are weak on the inside still you wouldn’t have any survival advantage much. (How many times you see a tall, decent looking dude but minute he talks or moves you notice he acts very timid or he is just awkward.)
A man’s masculine personality, social skills and status are crucial for his survival and ability to access resources. That’s why most women need to know you little bit before desiring you. They want to be sure about you. They want to see your confidence, your attitude, how you carry yourself. They want to see how you move and talk. They want to interact with you. (Sometimes they even test you.) They need some kind of context. That’s how they understand you are a strong, valuable man. That’s how they separate you from weak, loser, low status guys.
You don’t have to be bad person to attract women. No you can be both confident, masculine and good, cool person at the same time. Women are not looking for this badass, hyperaggressive, super masculine, type of men. They just want a man who is more masculine than them. They want confident, assertive man. Just don’t act insecure or overly nice. Just don’t be too agreeable. That’s enough in many times.
Like men want young, curvy, pretty women (signs of fertility); women also want tall, good looking, masculine, high status type of men (signs of dominance and survival).
We are talking about millions of years biological programming here. You can’t change it.