Some people call this alpha fucks beta bucks, evolutionary psychologists call it “dual mating“. But they all talk about the same thing.
Some say this is not truth but beside that they don’t propose stronger, more logical theory.
But in this article i will explain why and how women have dual mating strategy and why this is a 100% fact.
Humans are not monogamous and women are not monogamous. If evolution is truth then this must be truth.
Because if we consider where and how we evolved, how we survived then highly likely that we aren’t made to be completely monogamous.
But of course when it’s about humans it must be very complex, not easy and simple like any other animals.
Because human society is very complex.
If we look at men’s sexual strategy, it is very direct. Men produce millions of sperm every single day, they have high amounts of testosterone so they want to spread their genes as much as possible.
On the other hand women are little bit more complex than that. They ovulate every single month, they have limited egg supply and time and also they need to parent and take care of their child. They have to invest long time and resources.
Because human babies are very hard to raise. They need attention and caring. It takes very long time and hard work to raise humans.
So women had to play their game much more cautious than men do.
They couldn’t afford to act recklessly because their whole existence depended on it.
Therefore women needed two things. One is quality, healthy genes to bring a strong and healthy child into the world so that child can survive and reproduce successfully and second they needed commitment, genuine love and resources from a male for a long periods of time to take care of that child.
But in a perfect world every single woman can pair bond with every single man and everybody would be happy and pleased.
But not all men and women are the same. Some are highly sexually attractive and some of them aren’t at all.
And there are always way more sexually unattractive men than there are unattractive women because women are much more picky due to their nature.
Therefore this created imbalance in sexual market.
There were few men who are sexually attractive, men who have healthy, quality genes to reproduce.
Therefore a lot of young and fertile women had to compete with each other to be desired and receive attention by these attractive men. They tried hard to get both quality genes and commitment from these men. But this very act created so many mating options for sexually attractive men that they became unreliable and very hard to get in long term partnership. These men probably picked the best women to commit.
Besides, these men were highly masculine, independent, emotionally unavailable type of men therefore they weren’t perfect long term partners.
Remember in a perfect world, women really want to be monogamous but they couldn’t unfortunately.
So women (especially those who couldn’t make sexually attractive men commit and genuinely love them) had to find much more stable partners to bond with and get resources, caring and commitment from them for a long time.
These men had to be more loyal, reliable and nicer. They had to invest time and resources, help women raise children and make women feel secure and comfortable on the long run.
So this is what happened.
Women became attracted to one type of men sexually and they became attracted to other type of men emotionally.
Women who are lucky and probably the prettiest ones achieved to get both high quality genes and commitment from the same men but a lot of women couldn’t.
(If you ask why those women didn’t want to be second wives of sexually attractive men instead of bonding with less sexually attractive men it’s because in a wild world where resources are limited women don’t want to share the resources, attention and caring with other women. Because that decreases the chance of survival of newborns and increases the competition between wives. Also highly polygamous communities are unsustainable due to increase of violence and that’s not good environment for children. Therefore humans inclined towards pair bonding and all these factors force women to commit dual mating when they have to.)
And still to this day this is what happens. Most women, in their youth spend their time with sexually attractive men, they date with them and they have fun with them, they try to get attention and validation from these men and they even try to make them commit. Women try to change these men to make them good, loyal, loving long term partners. But these men rarely do that, they play around most of the time due to they have so many options and therefore when women want to settle and seek commitment or if they crave long term relationship (emotional connection and love) then they seek loyal, loving, reliable type of “good men” especially if they can’t find a man that has both traits.
We’ve talked about before who are sexually attractive men and who are potential good long term partners.
But if we had to summarize it:
Being a sexually attractive man is mostly about looks and also having little bit masculine behaviors.
Having a good looks (tall, fit, handsome) mean you are healthy and strong and having masculine behavioral traits indicate that you have personality traits to survive and achieve success in the world.
Because a man’s genetic value not only comes from his healthy, good looks but also comes from his ability to survive and potential to rise in the dominance hierarchy.
Masculine behaviors like assertiveness, confidence, dominance might give a man ability to survive and dominate and also indicate that he has high amounts of testosterone. Therefore masculine personality traits may indicate having quality genes. Therefore both good looks and masculine behaviors mean having quality genes and women seek males that have quality, healthy genes to reproduce.
Being a good long term partner is about being loyal, loving and like minded. And most importantly having resources to support women and their children.
These type of men are perfect for long term relationship, they understand women, they give them a lot of attention, affection and emotional support that women crave. They make women feel comfortable. But they are not that much exciting sexually. Women can feel attracted emotionally or even love these men but they don’t feel high amounts of sexual attraction and lust towards them in many times.
Because unlike masculine men they are not that much dominant and assertive, they are more agreeable and nicer. Also they have average looks in many times.
This is how women are wired and this is their sexual mating strategy.
In today’s age women are much more open and they are much more free from social pressure than they have ever been before.
Therefore they can follow their primal nature recklessly.
In today’s world you can see this dual mating strategy over and over again.
Many women spend their youth by dating and having fun with good looking, assertive men and then they settle down with average looking, stable nice men.
Some women achieve to get in long term relationships and even marry with sexually attractive men in their youth but those women are not that many due to those men don’t want to get in serious relationship easily or women can’t make them commit completely.
But most of the time women get in long term relationships or settle down and get married with these stable, loyal, nice type of men but they don’t feel that primal, strong sexual urge to have sex with them.
There can be some low level sexual attraction, these men can have enough amount of looks to not make women disgust to touch them or have sex with them but women never have sex with them like they have sex with attractive men. Women never feel that high amounts of excitement and lust to these men. They very rarely give unconditional sex to them. They very rarely have one night stands or short term relationships with these type of men.
Women give these men boring type of conditional sex most of the time to make them stay in relationship. Women make these men wait for sex and go through a lot of processes or they give them tasks to get sex. They can say to them “i’m not that much sexual person, i have a headache, i don’t like sex that much, i don’t have sex in the first date or i don’t do hookups or if you do this i give you sex only then etc.” Women basically exchange sex for commitment, emotional support, love and resources with these men. And many women even cheat on these men with good looking, masculine men.
But when women interact and flirt with sexually attractive men they feel strong, primal urge to have sex with them quickly to not miss the opportunity to mate with them and get quality genes from them. Therefore women can do anything to please these men and they can even travel thousands of miles just to be with them. Women can break every single rule or criteria that they have when they are with sexually attractive men. They can give them sex unconditionally without any rules. They literally adore these men. Women live for these men’s attention and validation. Because they instinctively know that these men have so many sexual options, they know a lot of women lust after these men and therefore women do anything to impress them.
When average or below average looking nice guys try to seek short term relationship or casual sex with women, women shame them and force them to get in long term relationship, they force them into commitment but if good looking, attractive men do the same women act much more open and willing for it.
(When it comes to long term relationships or marriage women care about personality and resources more than looks because they seek someone who will stay loyal and committed, someone who will fulfill women’s emotional and financial needs. But when it comes to sexual attraction and lust women go for good looks and masculine behaviors.)
This is the nature of women.
Our society runs on this. We are over populated with good, nice, loving provider type of men who put women on pedestal. They work hard to buy houses and cars and create decent life style for their women in hope of getting passionate sex, admiration and respect.
But somehow their wives neither respect nor adore them much, they don’t feel intense sexual urge towards them and they cheat on their partners with some hot pool boy or surfer on their back.
Some evolutionary psychologists say that dual mating is not truth because women have sex with attractive men to switch mates.
But that doesn’t explain why a lot of women who have rich, high status, good partners still cheat on them and have one night stands with broke, lower status but handsome, young and sexy guys.
And why when women interact with sexually attractive men they feel intense urge to have sex with them in a short time no matter what their current relationship status is?
Or why women can feel love and emotional connection to a guy while they feel strong sexual desire and lust to another guy?
And why women are able to have short term mates anyway if they only care about long term mating?
Well simply because women have dual mating strategy. It’s not their only strategy of course. Women have lots of mating strategies. Switching mates is one of them.
Women’s mating strategy is based on having a lot of options and getting the best deal that they can get. They want to attract a lot of quality male attention and then play their game according to that.
Women can have rich, high status and loving partner to extract resources and fulfill their emotional needs and then broke but tall, handsome, hot lover to have passionate sex on the side out of instinct to get quality genes. And last they can have a lot of back up guys for emergency situations. Or they can find a guy who has both high quality genes, resources and loyalty which this is what they prefer.
This is women’s mating strategy. It’s not like they all do it exactly the same way but this dual mating instinct is in them. It’s up to them to act on their instincts based on their values, beliefs and circumstances.
Therefore lust and love, sexual attraction and emotional attraction are not the same things to women.
They are completely different things to serve women’s different needs.