Some people call this alpha fucks beta bucks, evolutionary psychologists call it “dual mating“. But they all talk about the same thing.
Some say this is not truth but beside that they don’t propose stronger, more logical theory.
But in this article i will explain why and how women have dual mating strategy and why this is 100% fact.
Humans are not monogamous and women are not monogamous. If evolution is truth then this is truth.
Because if we consider where and how we evolved, how we survived then highly likely that we aren’t made to be completely monogamous.
But of course when it’s about humans it must be very complex, not easy and simple like any other animals.
Because human society is very complex.
If we look at men’s sexual strategy, it is very direct. Men produce millions of sperm every single day, they have high amounts of testosterone so they want to spread their genes as much as possible.
On the other hand women are little bit more complex than that. They lay one egg every single month, they have limited egg supply, time and also they need to parent and take care of the child. They have to invest time and resources.
Because human babies are hard to raise. They need attention and caring. It takes very long time and hard work to raise humans.
So women had to play their game much more cautious than men.
They couldn’t afford to act recklessly because their whole existence depended on it.
Therefore women needed two things. One is quality genes to bring a strong and healthy child into the world so that child can survive and reproduce successfully and second they needed resources and commitment to take care of that child.
But in a perfect world every single woman can pair bond with every single man and everybody would be happy and pleased.
But not all men and women are the same. Some are sexually attractive and some of them aren’t.
And there are always way more unattractive men than there are unattractive women because women are much more picky due to their nature.
Therefore this created imbalance in sexual market.
There were few men who are sexually attractive, men who have healthy, quality genes to reproduce.
Therefore a lot of fertile women had to compete with each other to be desired and receive sexual attention by these men. They tried hard to get both genes and commitment from these men. But this very act created so many mating options for sexually attractive men that they became unreliable and very hard to get in long term partnership. These men probably picked the best and most beautiful women to commit.
Besides, these men were highly masculine, independent, emotionally unavailable type of men therefore they weren’t perfect long term partners.
Remember in a perfect world, women really want to be monogamous but they couldn’t unfortunately.
So women (especially those who couldn’t make sexually attractive men commit) had to find a long term stable partner to bond with and get resources, caring and commitment from them for a long time.
These men had to be more loyal, reliable and nicer. They had to invest time and resources, help women raise children and make women feel secure and comfortable on the long run.
So this is what happened. Women became attracted to one type of men sexually and they became attracted to other type of men emotionally.
Women that are lucky and probably the prettiest ones achieved to get both quality genes and commitment from the same men but a lot of women couldn’t.
Therefore those women cheated on their long term partners with these sexually attractive males to get quality genes when they had the opportunity.
(If you ask why those women didn’t want to be second wives of sexually attractive men instead of bonding with less sexually attractive men it’s because in a wild world where resources are limited women don’t want to share the resources, attention and caring with other women. Because that decreases the chance of survival of newborns and increases the competition between wives. Also highly polygamous communities are unsustainable due to increase of violence and that’s not good environment for children. Therefore humans inclined towards pair bonding and all these factors force women to commit dual mating.)
And still to this day this is what happens. Most women, in their youth spend their time with sexually attractive men, they date with them and have fun with them, they try to get attention and validation from these men and they even try to make them commit. Women try to change these men to make them good, loyal, loving long term partners. But these men rarely do that, they play around most of the time due to they have so many options and therefore when women want to settle and seek commitment or if they really crave long term serious relationship then they seek loyal, loving, reliable, nice type of men especially if they can’t find a man that has both traits.
We’ve talked about before who are sexually attractive men and who are potential good long term partners.
But if we had to summarize it:
Being a sexually attractive men is both about looks and having masculine behaviors and status.
Having a good looks (tall, fit, handsome) means you are healthy and strong and having masculine behavioral traits indicate that you have personality traits to survive and achieve success in this world.
Because a man’s genetic value not only comes from his healthy, good looks but also comes from his ability to survive and potential to rise in the dominance hierarchy.
Masculine behaviors like assertiveness, confidence, aggressiveness give a man ability to survive and dominate and also indicate that he has high amounts of testosterone. So masculine personality indicates having quality genes. Therefore both looks and masculine behaviors are about quality genes and women seek males that have quality, healthy genes to reproduce.
Being a good long term partner is about being loyal, loving and like minded. And most importantly having resources to support women and their children.
These type of men are perfect for long term relationship, they understand women, they give them a lot of attention, affection and emotional support that women crave. They make women feel comfortable. But they are not that much exciting sexually. Women can feel attracted emotionally or even love these men but they don’t feel high amounts of sexual attraction and lust towards them.
Because these men tend to have less testosterone, unlike masculine men they are not that dominant and assertive, they are more agreeable and nicer.
This is how women are wired and this is their sexual mating strategy.
In today’s age women are much more open and they are much more free from social pressure than they have ever been before.
Therefore they can follow their primal nature recklessly.
In today’s world you can see this dual mating strategy over and over again.
Many women spend their youth by dating and having fun with good looking, masculine men and then they settle down with stable, agreeable, nice men.
Some women achieve to get in long term relationships and even marry with sexually attractive men in their youth but those women are not that many due to those men don’t want to get in serious relationship easily or women can’t make them commit completely.
But most of the time women get in long term relationships or settle down and get married with these stable, loyal, nice type of men but they don’t feel that primal, strong sexual instinct to have sex with them.
There can be some low level sexual attraction, these men can have enough amount of looks to not make women disgust to touch them or have sex with them but women never have sex with them like they have sex with other men. Women never feel that high amount of excitement and lust to these men. They very rarely have one night stands or short term relationships with these type of men.
Women give these men unwilling, low quality sex most of the time to make them stay in relationship. Women make these men wait for sex and go through a lot of processes or they give them tasks to get sex. They say to them “i’m not that much sexual person, i have a headache, i don’t like sex that much, i don’t have sex in the first date or i don’t do hookups or if you do this i give you sex only then etc.” Women basically exchange sex for commitment, emotional support and resources with these men. And a lot of women even cheat these men with good looking, masculine men behind their back.
But when women interact or flirt with highly sexually attractive men they feel strong, primal urge to have sex with them quickly to not miss the opportunity to mate and bond with them. Therefore women can do anything to please these men and they even travel thousands of miles just to be with them. Women break every single rule or criteria that they have when they interact with sexually attractive men. They literally adore these men and want to have passionate sex with them constantly. Women live for these men’s acceptance and validation. Because they instinctively know that these men have so many other options, they know a lot of women lust after these men and therefore women do anything to impress them and make them stay.
When average or below average looking nice guys try to seek short term relationship or casual sex with women, women shame them, they tell them that they are not that kind of woman or they don’t do hookups and then force them to get in long term relationship, they force them into commitment but if good looking, attractive men do the same women tend to act much more open and willing for it.
(When it comes to serious long term relationship or marriage women care about personality and resources more than looks because they seek someone who will stay loyal and committed and fulfill women’s emotional needs. But when it comes to short term relationships and sex or lust women go for good looks and masculine behaviors.)
This is the nature of women that no one wants to talk about.
Our society runs on this. We are over populated with good, nice, loving provider type of men who put women on pedestal. They work hard to buy houses and cars and create decent life style for their women in hope of getting sex, admiration, respect and love.
But somehow their wives neither respect nor adore them much, they don’t feel intense sexual urge towards them and they cheat their good husbands with some jerky, hot pool boy or surfer on their back.
This happens all the time over and over and over again. Whether you accept it or not, this is the nature of women.