Attraction and Lust Are NOT The Same Things to Women

Us men can’t comprehend this because only thing that we care is lust in many times. We feel love and emotional connection of course but our number one priority is lust, it’s the sexual attraction that we want. Especially this is the case for younger guys.

Women feel and behave differently though. Oftentimes their priorities are different.

As i mentioned before women actually don’t need emotional connection or love to have sex and feel lust towards a guy. If a guy is good looking and masculine enough then women will desire him in a short period of time. It happens all the time. They don’t need to spend days to understand a guy’s sexual attractiveness. This is just a silly idea.

A lot of one night stands and hookups happen like that. Typically, good looking assertive men (sexy bad boys) have sex with most women when it comes to short term relationships like hookup. A lot of data supports this.

Looks (most important) and masculine behaviors like assertiveness and dominance matter the most in order to make a woman feel aroused. When women want to have casual sex they go directly to that type of men.

Because they can do that easily and also they are highly picky due to their nature.

If you think about it getting sex isn’t that hard for women. And if they can get it from attractive, good looking men they will get it. If they want to have casual sex they will not go to average looking, mediocre males. They will be with the best guy that they can. They will want to have sex with good looking, sexy men. It’s very natural for them to behave like that. Instinctively they want to get the best quality genes.

But having a lot of casual sex with good looking men isn’t something that most women’s priority. They do it, they have fun with it especially when they are young and wild but oftentimes what they actually want and what they search for is meaningful long term relationship.

A woman can have a lot of sex with attractive, handsome men and still she can complain and feel unfulfilled emotionally unless she gets genuine love and commitment from a man also.

Beside sex, women crave long term relationship, they crave emotional intimacy, they crave connection and security. They crave to be genuinely loved. When they say “i care about personality” or “personality is more important than looks” or “looks don’t matter” they talk about long term relationship not sex. They talk about emotional attraction and love not lust.

But because men think about sex all the time, because we value sex more than anything, when we think about attraction we only think based on sex and lust and then we get confused about this.

When women go for casual sex they mostly decide based on looks. They want to have sex with tall, fit, handsome males. Because they are visual beings too. Instinctively they desire superior genes for their children.

This is because of hypergamy and women have limited eggs and higher risk due to pregnancy therefore they are evolved by nature to be extremely picky and cautious about who to have sex with.

That’s why only few percentages of men are able to have casual sex with majority of women. Because only those men are genetically superior and attractive enough. Only those men spark strong lust and arousal on women in a short time.

I said this millions of times but when women interact with tall, handsome, masculine men in enough time, they feel intense sexual urge and horniness. Their whole body whisper them to have sex with these genetically superior men in a short time. (Because instinctively they don’t want to miss the chance of getting high quality genes from them.)

That’s how they cheat on their long term partners. They follow their urges.

But oftentimes women want relationship, they want to be loved, they want emotional connection with a guy because that’s their mating strategy.

As i mentioned countless times women have dual mating strategy.

They need quality genes to make healthy and strong offspring but also they need commitment and resources to take care of their offspring for a long periods of time.

Women are evolved like this because oftentimes they couldn’t fulfill those two needs with the same man at the same time. (Because sexually attractive males get a lot of sexual opportunities from women constantly therefore they tend to be unreliable in the long term.) Only few lucky women are able to find a guy like that who has both aspects (attractive and committed).

Of course most women actually dream and want a guy who has both aspects. They want to build emotional connection and get into meaningful relationship with a sexually attractive man. This is women’s ultimate dream but of course few of them can achieve this.

Therefore oftentimes when women look for serious relationship, when they look for long term partnership they care about personality, money and status more than looks. They want someone who has similar interests with them, they want someone who is nice, funny, caring, loving, intelligent and respectful. This guy can be average looking but women don’t care about that as long as he has a great personality and resources or status.

That’s how you can see average men with beautiful women because they are fulfilling women’s emotional needs. They have decent personalities and resources or status to attract these women. They provide these women stability and comfort. Both emotionally and financially.

But even if women have loving, good husbands or long term partners, even they feel emotional attraction to them, still they can cheat on them easily.

Because women are hardwired like this.

This is how cavewoman achieved success. This nature is in them. They can get genes from one guy and commitment and security from another guy.

Women can genuinely love their husbands or long term partners, they can feel strong emotional connection to them, they can say “i really feel attracted to my partner” or “i love my husband more than anything” but at the same time they may not feel strong lust and sexual desire to them.

They can cheat on them (especially during ovulation) or when they have the opportunity (interacting with a handsome, sexy man). They are open to that. Women can have passionate sex with sexually attractive men. They can do very kinky, slutty things with them while they act prude with their long term partners and give them boring, conditional sex.

Women can give sex to their long term partners only when they truly feel loved by them or when they get resources from them or when their partners do some chores to make them pleased and happy but on the other hand they can give sex easily, unconditionally and willingly to a sexually attractive man (who they even barely know) and break every single rule that they have.

(The reason of this, women are evolved to use sex to get commitment and resources or other benefits from men and therefore instinctively they only give sex conditionally to average looking, long term relationship type of men. By doing that women make those men commit and stay in relationship. They make their bonds stronger. But on the other hand women give sex to attractive men easily, willingly and unconditionally out of instinct to get quality genes from them quickly. Actually one study shows that when women are ovulating they tend to get repulsed by their long term partners and look for more attractive males to get quality genes especially if they are not already in a relationship with a man like that.)

If you think about it, women don’t need to get genes from average looking, insecure, ordinary men. Those men are like commodity. They are easy to access. But women always want quality over quantity. Therefore they don’t desire to have short term relationships and hookups with average males. Those males don’t spark strong sexual desire and lust on women unfortunately. But on the other hand women highly crave quality genes from sexually attractive men and want to have sex with them whenever they find the opportunity. Because they are evolved like this. They always desire superior genes.

You can see this clearly when you observe women when they interact with tall, handsome, attractive men. They act a lot more open and willing and flirtatious with them because they want to have sex with them. They feel high amounts of sexual arousal towards them. Therefore they make things easier for them.

Women are not loyal beings. Women are hardwired to have many options to fulfill their different needs.

Even young and pretty women can act like this. They can find average looking, nice and loving guy to have meaningful relationship to fulfill their emotional needs and then they can have affairs on the side with good looking, assertive guys and let them use their bodies. They can fulfill their emotional and sexual needs with different guys at the same time especially if they can’t get a guy who has both aspects.

There are millions of women who say “i love and feel attracted to my partner but i just don’t desire him sexually.

This is the nature of women. Therefore attraction and lust are not the same things. Again, attraction and lust are not the same things to women. When women talk about attraction often times they don’t talk about sex. They talk about emotional attraction, they talk about connection.

Online dating coaches and dating videos on Youtube talk about how personality is so important, how women aren’t much visual and they care about personality more but people who give these advices think based on long term relationship, they think about attraction not lust. They talk about how to build emotional connection with women. Because oftentimes women care about this more than sex.


Because getting sex isn’t much hard for women, especially in this age. But finding someone who will genuinely love them, care about them and always be with them isn’t easy. That’s why women care about this more than sex, that’s their priority.

Therefore you may trick women to make them “love” you and you can build emotional connection with them but if you are not both good looking and masculine enough then women won’t feel strong lust to you, they won’t feel much horniness towards you.

There are millions of dead bedrooms and sexless relationships in this world. They are not legends or some fake stories.

They happen because of this phenomenon.

The reason women say things like “looks don’t matter”, “personality is everything” etc. because they don’t want to lose their potential long term partners.

If men believe that looks isn’t important when it comes to sexual attraction, it’s all about personality, status and money or women only give sex if they build connection, act romantic and show that they really love them then women can manipulate those men and women can get in long term relationships and get commitment much more easily.

Because women know that men want sex more than they want relationship and they use this for their own advantage.

Women don’t do all this consciously though often times they are not even aware of their own behaviors.

Some men make them feel highly aroused and they want to have passionate sex with them in a short time and some men make them feel loved, emotionally connected and secure and they want to be in long term relationship with them or get married. Women just follow their feelings and urges most of the time.

But if you want real admiration and respect from women, if you want women to be kinky and highly sexual with you, if you want to get sex constantly from women and want them to desire and adore you then you need to be sexually attractive.

Otherwise women will only feel emotionally attracted to you. They will use you for commitment and emotional intimacy. They will use you for your resources and status. They will give sex (if they even give it) conditionally and it will be boring most of the time.